holy discontent

I have been thinking lately about contentment. We all desire to be satisfied with life and situations that arise. On another level, I have realized that a healthy portion of holy discontentment is vital for change. Let me explain..

When we see the worlds hungry abandoned children, broken families, and nations dying without Christ- we are not made to be content with these circumstances. Uneasiness and unrest is normal because these things are unjust. You are probably thinking "well, duh." But the feeling of discontentment should spur us to DO something- whatever it takes- to make a difference instead of pretending they do not exist or that we are not capable of making an impact. When you are discontent with an enormous pile of dirt on the kitchen floor do you just walk through and leave it there? Of course not, you stop what you are doing and fix the problem. Even if you walk by it because you have your hands full, you do not leave it there for long. How much more do the souls of this world matter and how much less do we address their issues?!

Holy discontentment is why missionaries leave their families for a third world country full of strangers never to return. This is how the hungry do not die of starvation and the abandoned learn love. It starts with you and me, Jesus' hands and feet, being an active member of the body of Christ and doing something for the good of humanity and the glory of The Lord. It is not just courage, it is not only vision, it is holy discontentment that sets us on fire with enough passion to be world changers for the kingdom. So much discontent in your heart that you can not take it anymore.

We were all created differently but each in the image of God. The purposeful unique way he created us meets needs to reach different people. Use those passions and desires He placed within you and the talents he has gifted you with. I have a heart for orphaned or abandoned children, third world countries, and counseling youth girls. You might have a heart for the homeless, broken marriages, or kids struggling in school. I am a nurse. You may be an accountant. I am an artist. You might be able to repair cars. Whatever it may be, use it for the glory of the One who made you while bringing people to the knowledge of how great is our God.

When you need to clean up that pile of dirt on your kitchen floor, how do you do that? Well, we could use the broom and dust pan.. we could break out the swiffer wet-jet.. the vacuum might be better if it is a big mess.. we have many options right? My point is we have more than enough resources to use to help conquer injustice. People, get your holy brooms- sacred swiffer wetjets- and victorious vacuums (or whatever you have) out of the closet and clean up some dirt!

So.. I pray that you and I would be filled to the measure with holy discontent about a cause so much that we would seek endeavors to change lives. No feat is too big for our God and no effort is too small to count. So put the excuses aside, get out of your little bubble, and make someone better for knowing you! It is not rocket science but it is a lifestyle change. A lifestyle change that will make your time here on earth useful while growing the kingdom of heaven.

I recently heard someone say, "I want to live to make Heaven more crowded." -put that on a bumper sticker and drive with it :)

Always in LOVE,

Mac

the american dream

A blog entry full of flaws. It's messy and imperfect but its written in love. Just the thoughts of my heart lately.. trying to understand a little piece of the meaning of this thing called life.

We are raised to believe in the American Dream. But what exactly is that and is it biblical? Well, the common definition agreed upon by multiple dictionaries I have found is: "the traditional social ideals of the US, such as equality, democracy, and especially material prosperity." equality-AMEN! democracy-WHOOP! material prosperity-excuse me? I do not recall a place in the Bible where the Lord lays out the importance of having lots of nice stuff. Don't go and get the wrong idea- I believe having nice things are blessings and priveledges and is not a bad thing. BUT is it really necessary to have that listed among the definition of what we seek as our life goal? What is the motive behind having what we have? And what would we do if The Lord asked us to give it up? Because that is entirely possible, it has happened. What is more important to us- obeying every command of The Father or getting that new iphone 6? I think it is the heart behind our actions and desires that is important. And I certainly do not want my focus, purpose, goal, hearts intentions, or what have you, to be anything about obtaining wealth and riches for the sake of living up to this American Dream we have created.

That being said, if the American Dream is the goal and focus of our life I believe we have the wrong idea of what God created us for and we are missing out on the fullness of life. And I'm just going to be raw here, I see so much of this "dream" lived out to the fullest in this country, in my community, and in the church and yet the ignoring of "To whom much is given, much is required." The urgent needs all around us are going unmet while we use what we've been given on lavish lifestyles and things that serve no eternal purpose.

Scripture says to love The Lord with all our heart AND love our neighbor as ourself. Sometimes I think we omit that last part, or at least water it down. The Word is full of commands to serve and take care of "the least of these" and minister to one another. Are we fully living God's word or are we picking and choosing to live what fits into our daily lives? Being too busy, too tired, too this or that is not a very good excuse to disobey the evident commands of scripture and reject the spirits calling.

I dont believe He created us to sit in our recliners watching wheel of fortune after work eating more than enough of whatever we choose when there are people who dont know Him, people who dont know His love, people who are sick, starving, dying. People who need us to serve them as we are commanded to do. What is comfort and security anyway? It is not a memory foam mattress and a 401k. It is salvation. The only thing that will last for all eternity. Then why do we put so much emphasis on trivial things that ultimately do not matter?

Our comfort zone is what is going to kill our faith and deprive the hungry souls of the world the eternal hope they are craving. We are not called to be safe, we are simply promised that when we are in danger, God is right there with us. And there is no better place to be than in His hands.

What are we teaching our children? The leaders of tomorrow. Are we teaching them to love carefully or to love with abandon like Jesus. With each person that is put in our path no matter how long they are there. Because investing in people, community, fellowship, is what we were created for. The more people we let in, the more we open ourselves up to hurt. But pain is a part of life and without sorrow you can not fully experience joy. So love with wreckless abandon no matter how long the season with each person may be. Are we teaching them the "importance" of the American Dream in the example of how we live our lives or are we conveying the very real importance of following the Savior and what complete obedience like.

People look at my life and say how brave I am, how radical I am in my walk with the Lord. Let me be the first to tell you how weak I am. Broken, messy, and undeserving. But the Lord chooses to entrust me with such amazing tasks anyway! I am one thing: obedient. Faithfilled obedience is what we are called to. That is what will make make your life so full. What does obedience look like? It looks like feeding on God's word and living it out, every moment of every day not just when its convenient and not just the parts of it that fit into our plans.

I choose to go to the hard places because that is where I am called. That is where there is a great need. That is where my eyes have been opened and the quiet desperation has greatly weighed on my soul. The hard place is where greatness happens. That is where I am forced to rely on the Lord through language barriers, cultural differences, impossible situations, and that is where I get to witness His power which grows my faith in Him and my love for Him. I choose to go to the hard places because someone has to give them Hope everlasting by loving them and explaining there is a Father who loves them even more. Once we become aware of injustice, once we know, we see, we hear, we are RESPONSIBLE. ACCOUNTABLE.

This overwhelming statistic and the much I have been given makes me responsible: “The truth is that the 143 million orphaned children and the 11 million who starve to death or die from preventable diseases and the 8.5 million who work as child slaves, prostitutes, or under other horrific conditions and the 2.3 million who live with HIV add up to 164.8 million needy children. And though at first glance that looks like a big number, 2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians. The truth is that if only 8 percent of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left." Does that make you accountable with me?

Seeing a need, having an overwhelming sense of urgency for that need, and setting out with wreckless abandon to meet that need for the glory of the Lord- that would be described as finding your calling. I go there, to the hard place, and I love those people. We do not have iphones and Beat headphones, no netflix or even air conditioner. But we have each other, we can worship the same God, and we fellowship in community. What I believe life was meant to be- togetherness. Just love the people God places in front of you everyday and say Yes to making a difference in someones life. If that means feeding a hungry child, holding the hand of a widow to pray, stop with the busyness long enough to see the opportunity God has given right in front of you. Because its just as much for their soul as it is yours, He will place extraordinary right smack in the middle of your ordinary day if you let Him interrupt your plans. And what a priviledge, what a blessing to be used by the Maker of the stars! What a humble honor to be chosen to be used to imitate and and portray Gods unconditional and extravagant love to His precious children.

Being back in America, I have struggled with so many things: anger, frustration, discouragment, confusion.. normal things missionaries face. I have wondered where God is and why He is so evident out there in third world countries. He is the same God and He is here just as much as He is there. I think it looks different because out there because sometimes here we so easily replace Him and His goodness with other things. Its like a miracle has to have absolutely no other way to be explained and then we label it a God thing. There, every small detail of every day is a God thing because there is no other way the next meal would have been on the table without His provision, there is not an excuse for the sick to be healed except by the power of the Great Physician. And they are so hungry for Him because they have nothing to put in His place. Once they KNOW Him, they are expectant of Him. They are not surprised when He moves mountains, they pray without ceasing and eagerly wait for Him to show up, all the while thankful for the little they do have. They soak up every ounce of Jesus you pour into them. I know our world looks different but we could learn a lot from the faith and the hearts of people like these..

I do not think we should all pack up and head to a third world country to "serve the least of these" to give "relying on God for everything" an extremely different meaning. That is not everyones calling, I am grateful and beyond blessed for that to be a reality in my life. But I do think we should open our eyes because the fact is, the hard places are right in front of you. Everyday we are offered the option of doing big things for the Lord outside of our carefully calculated comfortable routine. And everyday, each opportunity, we have the freedom to say yes, to choose to resist the desire of comfort of our flesh and be Jesus to the community we are placed in. Even though we have every thing we need and more than we could ever want, we have opportunity every day to choose to rely on our Father for every breath and experience His greatness.

Do you want to live the rest of your life pursuing the American Dream, or do you want to spend the rest of your life preparing for eternity and investing in the Kingdom that will never pass away for the glory of the one who made you..

In LOVE-

Mac

wanted

There has been an issue on my heart lately that I feel the need to share.. I do know I am not an expert but think I have the experience necessary to hold the right to speak on this topic. Yep you probably guessed it: singleness.

We have all heard it..

"Live your life first, you have forever to be married.."

"DON'T settle, its better to be alone than with the wrong person.."

"God is not ready to share you yet.."

"He is out there somewhere.."

"You'll find him when you least expect it.."

and so on..


I could go on and on with all the views I have and all I feel would make a valid point but I am going to spare you the typical talk and share a little truth with a different perspective that I have been thinking about..

God never promised a soulmate. There, I said it. He never says he created everyone to have someone. Example: Paul. That is a big pill to swallow when all we really want is to be wanted..but it is the truth. And we shouldn't spend our time saying things that make us feel better for the moment when they hold little truth. So while the best efforts of encouragement from those who have never been in our shoes have the best intentions, do not allow yourself to have faith in words that are not clearly and wholly true.. because that sets you up for disappointment.

Should we pray for our potential future spouses? Yes, the Lord wants to hear from your lips the desires of your heart. That is about our relationship, faith, and trust in Him. And He already knows your hearts deepest desires of course, He longs to make those come true! IF they aline with His will, and if they don't my prayer is that I am so incredibly in love with Jesus my desires change to match His. Like, you guessed it, PAUL! He was perfectly okay. And believe it or not, we can be to.

Am I typing a Debbie Downer post, eh I can see how it may look that way but no. I long for my prince to come, I desire children, a family of my own. I have a prayer journal I started for him 6 years ago. But I feel it necessary to have an open mind to the possibility that may not happen. Because lets be real, a small percentage of people stay single forever right? Ok, thats a truth you can believe and that is comforting. So what if I (you) happen to be that small percentage? IT. IS. OK. If that happens to be our fate, or even just our current state, there are a few truths we can rely on-

-Everything God has planned for us is for our good, even our season of singleness, no matter how long it may be. USE IT.

-The Lord keeps things from us not for the sake of rejection but for our best interest, our protection. THANK HIM.

-We know God is good, wants the best for us, and we know He is sovereign so if He is not blessing us with a spouse, do we believe He has something greater?

All of that being said, I want to encourage you to live your life now no matter what age you are! Don't sit around, put life on pause, and wait for Prince Charming to waltz in. This season is beautifully free and has so much God given potentional to do amazing things for the Kingdom. Be cautious of your motive for a relationship. Do not let lonliness or butterflies for someone get you into a situation you never should be in.

The last point I want to make is we have to stop feeding these unbiblical truths to our youth. I know the intentions are well but the consequences are damaging. "Live your life first, you have forever to be married." There are so many things wrong with that statement. "God is not ready to share you yet." So does that mean He was ready to share all of the other people I graduated high school with? Also, He did create us for community and desires for us to invest in each other and He is sharing me.. "He is out there somewhere." Well, I hope so but maybe he isnt. And my favorite, "You'll find him when you least expect it." I did not get the memo I was supposed to be on a search for him..

My heart is pure in this blogs messy attempt to lay out what I believe God has shown me in my life and I hope will encourage you. It has made me fully enjoy the moment I have been given and take what God gives me as he gives. Not expecting more or something different because He always provides and He is always on time. I'm not perfect, but I have a firm foundation to stand on and grace when I fall.

Feed on truth.

Love, Mac :)

his rejection=His protection

Driving home from work after being stood up for dinner I felt myself sliding into a pit of pity. Not a huge one, just a baby one.. but baby ones are like quick sand and before you know it you've sank to what surely must be deaths door- so I avoid them at all costs! I assure you this was not a pit soley from one silly dinner plan that had fallen through. No friend, this goes back a long way -->

The main concept that confuses my entire being that sometimes I just can not find the strength to shake is: I will never understand how a parent can abandon a child. Period. I am surrounded with evidence of how a parents love surpasses all things yet it holds true that mine are not only unconcerned about my safety and well being but fail to care about any aspect of my life, much less rejoice in my victories or have pride in my endeavors. That is something that rocks the inner most part of your being. Something that is part of you, forever. I truly believe a lot of my issues come from my parents and the dysfuction associated with them. And its most times a daily struggle to not focus on that. Satan likes to keep that never too far from my line of vision. Two professional counselors tried to fix me- One just told me how right I was and the other didnt call me back.. dont call back the girl with abandoment and rejection issues. Way. To. Go. But that is my life. That is the hand I was dealt, the specific place The Lord picked for me so I have to own it. Let me tell you, a girl with daddy issues is a very delicate thing. Girls, boyfriends will come and go- you will live I promise, hold onto and appreciate your daddies. And then theres the Mama issues.. whew. Rejection will take you to places you never thought you'd go. Too young to realize it I craved attention and affection. Being surrounded daily by what family is supposed to look like, I longed for what parents are created to give their children. And still, thats a pit I have to look out for. Because I believe in every phase of life a girl needs her mama and daddy. That is a false reality for me that I just have to let go. I should have a sign "HANDLE WITH EXTREME CAUTION."

I always judged how I am coping with things with my outward self. If I have a day when I get up, go to work, go for a run, spend time with the Lord- I would say that I am doing well. Days when I cry uncontrollably or can't find a smile- I would say I'm not coping very well. Truth is, on the inside, the rejection never goes away. On my so called good or bad days. I don't know how to fix that. I only know how to choose to DO what is right not how to choose to FEEL what is good. And honestly some days I don't want to choose to be a productive hard working servant, I can only muster the strength to make it through the day. Other days I fight my flesh to choose what is good over its hunger for that attention and affection it never received.

So with much wisdom from Mama Dena and a whole lot of prayer I have at least figured out how to process feelings productively to function in everyday society pretty well on most days. I try not to let it make me hard hearted but that is a defense mechanism that sometimes gets the best of me. And although it is safe and protective I dont want to "miss out" I want to live BIG. I dont want to pull the victim card, I want to be an overcomer. I want to go beyond a follower of Jesus and be an active world changer. Well that day driving home from work, I didn't want to choose joy I just wanted to have a big ole pity party. With that being said the story of that day continues-->

Feeling lonely, sorry for myself, overwhelmed with no place I fit in life or with people, longing for just one person to be mine.. whatever the reasons it was a pit, a place that is much too familiar to me. I am not proud of familiarity with the joy stealing, energy draining, lie whispering, terror of a place but being a veteran and victor of it, I am much more prepared to be on the lookout for hazards that may make me fall in and am equipped with the tools necessary to climb out if one swallows me up. So, as I drove home that day slipping inch by inch I found a foot hole that was carved last time I was there. I prayed loud and honestly- spilling out every thought and feeling- even the ones I was ashamed to think or feel. Now I know my pitiful heart isn't a life or death matter but the Lord cares for it as if it is.

I spoke aloud telling the Maker of my soul of my anger, bitterness, and frustration. How old wounds hurt and how life isn't fair. How I can't understand anything anymore and the purpose we place on life here seems eternally pointless! I told the Keeper of my heart how I felt worthless. Yes worthless, a battle I fight most days but that day it was winning. I want to be noticed, wanted, and pursued. I cried out to my Father to fix the mess I was and love on me. I want to feel BEAUTIFUL. I want to be LOVED. I want to MATTER. I want to be IMPORTANT. I want to make a DIFFERENCE. I want to be NEEDED. I want to be USEFUL and have PURPOSE. I am sick of feeling like an option and inconvenince. I want to be someones PRIORITY! I am tired of being INVISIBLE! I want to be able to be weak and vulnerable with someone to hold me up.. someone who won't forsake me. I want someone to be able to love me and I want to be able to let them. I want my Savior to come take me away from this world that has nothing to offer but pain and suffering and heartache.

After exhaling my rant/plea/surrender to God I turned on the radio and not wanting to listen to KLOVE- out of rebellion I suppose- I turned it to a country station. And wouldn't you know it the song "invisible" was on. Lyrics---> "And you're not invisible, hear me out there's so much more to life than what you're feeling now.. Someday you'll look back on all these days and all this pain is gonna be invisible." It still baffles me why I get shocked when The Lord speaks to me so clearly when I ask Him to reveal Himself to me. Never would I have thought He would use Hunter Hayes to get a point across to me but hey it worked! I wish I could say that all of my insecurity, lonliness, confusion, and heartache went away at that very moment. It didn't.. I still longed for Him to come scoop me up and take me away. I still desired a God sent tangible person to be only mine. But, I did understand in that moment how through all of those feelings God has not forsaken me and how much I mean to Him. He is near to the brokenhearted and comforts those whose spirits are crushed. So I laughed a little, smiled some, all while I continued to cry. I was so evidently comforted by my caring gracious Father. And I thanked Him.

He told me so many truths through those lyrics and His presence. I didn't feel His tone was disappoinment, angry, or upset that I would have the audacity to question the worth of His masterpiece.. instead I felt He was delighted I came to Him in honest abandon without holding back or hiding and put them where they belong- at the foot of He who is able. Able to mend broken pieces and make something beautiful. And I felt He was burdended for me that I was too weak to fight the enemy. So as any good father would, and since He is the BEST, He told me how He loves me more than I can imagine. He encouraged me to have endurance, this life He placed me in and its pain is temporary and one day I will be with Him. There is purpose. He reminded me I don't have to feel worth anything to be worth something because He created my worth and I am far more precious than rubies. Our hearts are decietful and ever changing but His truth is constant, that is what we should base our beliefs on. He showed me how he provided "PLAN B" complete with parents and two boys who love me dearly. He told me it doesn't matter how important, needed, useful, noticed, pursured, or wanted I feel on earth I am treasured and chosen to Him. Circumstances do not define me. He thinks I am beautiful. I am His priority. And that should always be sufficient for me. Then He whispered.. You, dear child, can be vulnerable with me. You can be weak with me. For when you are weak, I am strong. Take heart I have overcome the world.

Then this scripture came to mind "We were under great pressure- far beyond the ability to endure- so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." 2 Cor. 1:8-9. We reach our breaking points to remind us we need Him. To make us rely on Him for our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. I apparently need the reminder quite often, you'd think I would remember..

I have a huge heart for orphaned children. I can relate so much to the way they are feeling, the path they have walked.. And I completely understand when they turn out the way they do. You know those times people gasp and say "oh my, I can't believe they would do that"- I can. I get it. There is so much opportunity for them to choose the road well traveled from the example set by the ones who abandoned them. With no guidance, encouragement, or support (like any good parent would) the fight to come out of that situation and be able to function in daily life and make something out of themselves is a struggle. I am not saying it isn't possible but I am saying that child will have a lifetime of emotional, spiritual, and physical hurdles to jump over in order to succeed. They will have earned every step along the way and built character like no other. It will be a daily choice to not let their circumstances define them. Some days that battle is just too much and one day, one bad decision, is all it takes to ruin the rest of their life. I get it. So when children from broken families become the statistic of teen parents or join the homeless population, with every fiber of my being I understand how difficult it is to overcome that pattern and leave a different legacy.

I think girls can compare their earthly dad to their Heavenly Father. As my comparison would not be very accurate, The Lord has taught me so much over the years about his role as a father to me. He cares for my safety when I am driving in bad weather.. He rejoices with pride when I make a dream come true.. He loves me the same even on my worst days.. He provides everything I need and tells me no when its best for me.. He is what has completely saved me from myself and grown me into His servant. Without Him, I would be another number in a diagram somewhere proving children from broken homes are on a road to nowhere.

Today, I'm thankful in my spirit and peaceful in my heart with the knowledge my God is working all things together for the good of those who love Him -Romans 8:28. I leave you with this little piece of encouragement: "the reason some people have turned against you and walked away from you without reason, has nothing to do with you. It is because I have removed them from your life because they cannot go where I am taking you next. They will only hinder you in your next level because they have already served their purpose in your life. Let them go and keep moving. Greater is coming." says the Lord.

Much love and blessings,

MAC