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Wednesday, January 28, 2015

why my husband shouldn't put me first


Being 25 and single I have thought on several occasions (weddings and such usually bring this out in me) about qualities that are non-negotiable- for me- in a spouse and things that can be compromised. Normal? I'm not sure but I do think most girls desire to be wanted, pursued, romanced, and loved forever by Jesus in regular imperfect guy form that basically resembles Adam Levine or Gerard Butler, Amen? (insert laughing hysterically emoji) But really.. so we can call it normal.  I can tell my hearts innocence has greatly matured as my unwritten list looks much different than it did even a few years ago. Which is both a blessing and a curse but that is a whole different story for a whole different blog. So lets move on..

I do not want my husband to put me first. In fact, I expect him NOT to. Ask me if I would have even considered thinking that 5 years ago and the answer would be a firm 'no.' Don't get me wrong, I would have definitely been prioritizing his faith vs. his 5 o'clock shadow. But now, I am seeing the whole picture in a completely different light.  I am more clearly distinguishing the worlds view of marriage from the Bibles truth about it.  Also, the definition of what is spiritually mature has greatly changed in my hearts dictionary. I desire for him to be so thirsty for God that he would not even think about putting anything above Him. Including me. He needs to know that I am human, I am flawed, I make mistakes and need forgiveness when I am wrong, and I can not satisfy deeply like our Savior and I need to be reminded of the same for him.  As that first non-negotiable quality becomes a reality, all the rest fall into place..

I want to marry a man so focused on God the only reason I stood out is because He saw every part of me hungry for Jesus and to him thats more attractive than any supermodel.
A man who knows God is the only firm foundation for a relationship and believes only a man following Jesus knows how to properly lead a woman.
A man who is faithful to me before we ever meet because he is faithful to The Lord.
A man who doesn't just open doors, he opens his bible.
I want a husband who pursues me relentlessly, loves me fearlessly, cares for me recklessly, prays for and with me passionately, leads me boldly, serves humbly, and cherishes deeply.
A man who respects, treasures, gently corrects but confidently challenges me.
Understands the root of the flaws made by my story and grieves with me.
Worships with me.
With strong hands, a steady head, and a soft heart who stands up when I cant but reminds me to lean on the Savior.
He will be patient with my guarded heart but consistent and intentional.
He will prove I can trust him with my dreams and confide in me.
He will stand beside me, walk with me, and support my passions.
He will take the time to know what drives me, irritates me, makes me laugh, and hurts my feelings.
He will protect me when I need it and even when I dont.
He will become my best friend.

My expectations and standards may be high but I will not settle. I know without a doubt this is what the Lord wants for me in a husband if marriage is what He has planned in my future. And I am confident he will be all of these things because He loves and pursues the Lord with all of his being.  I pray he expects nothing less than a Proverbs 31 woman out of me and I pray I am growing more into one every season.

In 2008, the year after I graduated high school, I started a journal for him. I never thought I would still be writing letters and prayers in it 7 years later but here I am.  It is so amazing to look back and see how The Lord has made such radical changes in me and how different I feel from that girl who just graduated high school.

I write in this journal with good intentions knowing that God is sovereign over all things and His ways are perfect. So whether my husband exists or not, whether or not I ever get married, whether or not anyone ever gets to read this journal, I am content in what The Lord has prepared for me.

If the day comes when a man is brave enough to tackle my stubborn heart and succeeds, I pray I am filled with enough wisdom to never put him above the One that sent him to me and that he would do the same.



A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Prov 31:10 ♥

Saturday, October 25, 2014

holy discontent

I have been thinking lately about contentment. We all desire to be satisfied with life and situations that arise. On another level, I have realized that a healthy portion of holy discontentment is vital for change. Let me explain..

When we see the worlds hungry abandoned children, broken families, and nations dying without Christ- we are not made to be content with these circumstances. Uneasiness and unrest is normal because these things are unjust. You are probably thinking "well, duh." But the feeling of discontentment should spur us to DO something- whatever it takes- to make a difference instead of pretending they do not exist or that we are not capable of making an impact. When you are discontent with an enormous pile of dirt on the kitchen floor do you just walk through and leave it there? Of course not, you stop what you are doing and fix the problem. Even if you walk by it because you have your hands full, you do not leave it there for long. How much more do the souls of this world matter and how much less do we address their issues?!

Holy discontentment is why missionaries leave their families for a third world country full of strangers never to return. This is how the hungry do not die of starvation and the abandoned learn love. It starts with you and me, Jesus' hands and feet, being an active member of the body of Christ and doing something for the good of humanity and the glory of The Lord. It is not just courage, it is not only vision, it is holy discontentment that sets us on fire with enough passion to be world changers for the kingdom. So much discontent in your heart that you can not take it anymore.

We were all created differently but each in the image of God. The purposeful unique way he created us meets needs to reach different people. Use those passions and desires He placed within you and the talents he has gifted you with. I have a heart for orphaned or abandoned children, third world countries, and counseling youth girls. You might have a heart for the homeless, broken marriages, or kids struggling in school. I am a nurse. You may be an accountant. I am an artist. You might be able to repair cars. Whatever it may be, use it for the glory of the One who made you while bringing people to the knowledge of how great is our God.

When you need to clean up that pile of dirt on your kitchen floor, how do you do that? Well, we could use the broom and dust pan.. we could break out the swiffer wet-jet.. the vacuum might be better if it is a big mess.. we have many options right? My point is we have more than enough resources to use to help conquer injustice. People, get your holy brooms- sacred swiffer wetjets- and victorious vacuums (or whatever you have) out of the closet and clean up some dirt!

So.. I pray that you and I would be filled to the measure with holy discontent about a cause so much that we would seek endeavors to change lives. No feat is too big for our God and no effort is too small to count. So put the excuses aside, get out of your little bubble, and make someone better for knowing you! It is not rocket science but it is a lifestyle change. A lifestyle change that will make your time here on earth useful while growing the kingdom of heaven.

I recently heard someone say, "I want to live to make Heaven more crowded." -put that on a bumper sticker and drive with it :)

Always in LOVE,


Friday, August 1, 2014

the american dream

A blog entry full of flaws. It's messy and imperfect but its written in love. Just the thoughts of my heart lately.. trying to understand a little piece of the meaning of this thing called life.

We are raised to believe in the American Dream. But what exactly is that and is it biblical? Well, the common definition agreed upon by multiple dictionaries I have found is: "the traditional social ideals of the US, such as equality, democracy, and especially material prosperity." equality-AMEN! democracy-WHOOP! material prosperity-excuse me? I do not recall a place in the Bible where the Lord lays out the importance of having lots of nice stuff. Don't go and get the wrong idea- I believe having nice things are blessings and priveledges and is not a bad thing. BUT is it really necessary to have that listed among the definition of what we seek as our life goal? What is the motive behind having what we have? And what would we do if The Lord asked us to give it up? Because that is entirely possible, it has happened. What is more important to us- obeying every command of The Father or getting that new iphone 6? I think it is the heart behind our actions and desires that is important. And I certainly do not want my focus, purpose, goal, hearts intentions, or what have you, to be anything about obtaining wealth and riches for the sake of living up to this American Dream we have created.

That being said, if the American Dream is the goal and focus of our life I believe we have the wrong idea of what God created us for and we are missing out on the fullness of life. And I'm just going to be raw here, I see so much of this "dream" lived out to the fullest in this country, in my community, and in the church and yet the ignoring of "To whom much is given, much is required." The urgent needs all around us are going unmet while we use what we've been given on lavish lifestyles and things that serve no eternal purpose.

Scripture says to love The Lord with all our heart AND love our neighbor as ourself. Sometimes I think we omit that last part, or at least water it down. The Word is full of commands to serve and take care of "the least of these" and minister to one another. Are we fully living God's word or are we picking and choosing to live what fits into our daily lives? Being too busy, too tired, too this or that is not a very good excuse to disobey the evident commands of scripture and reject the spirits calling.

I dont believe He created us to sit in our recliners watching wheel of fortune after work eating more than enough of whatever we choose when there are people who dont know Him, people who dont know His love, people who are sick, starving, dying. People who need us to serve them as we are commanded to do. What is comfort and security anyway? It is not a memory foam mattress and a 401k. It is salvation. The only thing that will last for all eternity. Then why do we put so much emphasis on trivial things that ultimately do not matter?

Our comfort zone is what is going to kill our faith and deprive the hungry souls of the world the eternal hope they are craving. We are not called to be safe, we are simply promised that when we are in danger, God is right there with us. And there is no better place to be than in His hands.

What are we teaching our children? The leaders of tomorrow. Are we teaching them to love carefully or to love with abandon like Jesus. With each person that is put in our path no matter how long they are there. Because investing in people, community, fellowship, is what we were created for. The more people we let in, the more we open ourselves up to hurt. But pain is a part of life and without sorrow you can not fully experience joy. So love with wreckless abandon no matter how long the season with each person may be. Are we teaching them the "importance" of the American Dream in the example of how we live our lives or are we conveying the very real importance of following the Savior and what complete obedience like.

People look at my life and say how brave I am, how radical I am in my walk with the Lord. Let me be the first to tell you how weak I am. Broken, messy, and undeserving. But the Lord chooses to entrust me with such amazing tasks anyway! I am one thing: obedient. Faithfilled obedience is what we are called to. That is what will make make your life so full. What does obedience look like? It looks like feeding on God's word and living it out, every moment of every day not just when its convenient and not just the parts of it that fit into our plans.

I choose to go to the hard places because that is where I am called. That is where there is a great need. That is where my eyes have been opened and the quiet desperation has greatly weighed on my soul. The hard place is where greatness happens. That is where I am forced to rely on the Lord through language barriers, cultural differences, impossible situations, and that is where I get to witness His power which grows my faith in Him and my love for Him. I choose to go to the hard places because someone has to give them Hope everlasting by loving them and explaining there is a Father who loves them even more. Once we become aware of injustice, once we know, we see, we hear, we are RESPONSIBLE. ACCOUNTABLE.

This overwhelming statistic and the much I have been given makes me responsible: “The truth is that the 143 million orphaned children and the 11 million who starve to death or die from preventable diseases and the 8.5 million who work as child slaves, prostitutes, or under other horrific conditions and the 2.3 million who live with HIV add up to 164.8 million needy children. And though at first glance that looks like a big number, 2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians. The truth is that if only 8 percent of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left." Does that make you accountable with me?

Seeing a need, having an overwhelming sense of urgency for that need, and setting out with wreckless abandon to meet that need for the glory of the Lord- that would be described as finding your calling. I go there, to the hard place, and I love those people. We do not have iphones and Beat headphones, no netflix or even air conditioner. But we have each other, we can worship the same God, and we fellowship in community. What I believe life was meant to be- togetherness. Just love the people God places in front of you everyday and say Yes to making a difference in someones life. If that means feeding a hungry child, holding the hand of a widow to pray, stop with the busyness long enough to see the opportunity God has given right in front of you. Because its just as much for their soul as it is yours, He will place extraordinary right smack in the middle of your ordinary day if you let Him interrupt your plans. And what a priviledge, what a blessing to be used by the Maker of the stars! What a humble honor to be chosen to be used to imitate and and portray Gods unconditional and extravagant love to His precious children.

Being back in America, I have struggled with so many things: anger, frustration, discouragment, confusion.. normal things missionaries face. I have wondered where God is and why He is so evident out there in third world countries. He is the same God and He is here just as much as He is there. I think it looks different because out there because sometimes here we so easily replace Him and His goodness with other things. Its like a miracle has to have absolutely no other way to be explained and then we label it a God thing. There, every small detail of every day is a God thing because there is no other way the next meal would have been on the table without His provision, there is not an excuse for the sick to be healed except by the power of the Great Physician. And they are so hungry for Him because they have nothing to put in His place. Once they KNOW Him, they are expectant of Him. They are not surprised when He moves mountains, they pray without ceasing and eagerly wait for Him to show up, all the while thankful for the little they do have. They soak up every ounce of Jesus you pour into them. I know our world looks different but we could learn a lot from the faith and the hearts of people like these..

I do not think we should all pack up and head to a third world country to "serve the least of these" to give "relying on God for everything" an extremely different meaning. That is not everyones calling, I am grateful and beyond blessed for that to be a reality in my life. But I do think we should open our eyes because the fact is, the hard places are right in front of you. Everyday we are offered the option of doing big things for the Lord outside of our carefully calculated comfortable routine. And everyday, each opportunity, we have the freedom to say yes, to choose to resist the desire of comfort of our flesh and be Jesus to the community we are placed in. Even though we have every thing we need and more than we could ever want, we have opportunity every day to choose to rely on our Father for every breath and experience His greatness.

Do you want to live the rest of your life pursuing the American Dream, or do you want to spend the rest of your life preparing for eternity and investing in the Kingdom that will never pass away for the glory of the one who made you..



Saturday, July 19, 2014


There has been an issue on my heart lately that I feel the need to share.. I do know I am not an expert but think I have the experience necessary to hold the right to speak on this topic. Yep you probably guessed it: singleness.

We have all heard it..

"Live your life first, you have forever to be married.."
"DON'T settle, its better to be alone than with the wrong person.."
"God is not ready to share you yet.."
"He is out there somewhere.."
"You'll find him when you least expect it.."

and so on..

I could go on and on with all the views I have and all I feel would make a valid point but I am going to spare you the typical talk and share a little truth with a different perspective that I have been thinking about..

God never promised a soulmate. There, I said it. He never says he created everyone to have someone. Example: Paul. That is a big pill to swallow when all we really want is to be wanted..but it is the truth. And we shouldn't spend our time saying things that make us feel better for the moment when they hold little truth. So while the best efforts of encouragement from those who have never been in our shoes have the best intentions, do not allow yourself to have faith in words that are not clearly and wholly true.. because that sets you up for disappointment.

Should we pray for our potential future spouses? Yes, the Lord wants to hear from your lips the desires of your heart. That is about our relationship, faith, and trust in Him. And He already knows your hearts deepest desires of course, He longs to make those come true! IF they aline with His will, and if they don't my prayer is that I am so incredibly in love with Jesus my desires change to match His. Like, you guessed it, PAUL! He was perfectly okay. And believe it or not, we can be to.

Am I typing a Debbie Downer post, eh I can see how it may look that way but no. I long for my prince to come, I desire children, a family of my own. I have a prayer journal I started for him 6 years ago. But I feel it necessary to have an open mind to the possibility that may not happen. Because lets be real, a small percentage of people stay single forever right? Ok, thats a truth you can believe and that is comforting. So what if I (you) happen to be that small percentage? IT. IS. OK. If that happens to be our fate, or even just our current state, there are a few truths we can rely on-

-Everything God has planned for us is for our good, even our season of singleness, no matter how long it may be. USE IT.
-The Lord keeps things from us not for the sake of rejection but for our best interest, our protection. THANK HIM.
-We know God is good, wants the best for us, and we know He is sovereign so if He is not blessing us with a spouse, do we believe He has something greater?

All of that being said, I want to encourage you to live your life now no matter what age you are! Don't sit around, put life on pause, and wait for Prince Charming to waltz in. This season is beautifully free and has so much God given potentional to do amazing things for the Kingdom. Be cautious of your motive for a relationship. Do not let lonliness or butterflies for someone get you into a situation you never should be in.

The last point I want to make is we have to stop feeding these unbiblical truths to our youth. I know the intentions are well but the consequences are damaging. "Live your life first, you have forever to be married." There are so many things wrong with that statement. "God is not ready to share you yet." So does that mean He was ready to share all of the other people I graduated high school with? Also, He did create us for community and desires for us to invest in each other and He is sharing me.. "He is out there somewhere." Well, I hope so but maybe he isnt. And my favorite, "You'll find him when you least expect it." I did not get the memo I was supposed to be on a search for him..

My heart is pure in this blogs messy attempt to lay out what I believe God has shown me in my life and I hope will encourage you. It has made me fully enjoy the moment I have been given and take what God gives me as he gives. Not expecting more or something different because He always provides and He is always on time. I'm not perfect, but I have a firm foundation to stand on and grace when I fall.

Feed on truth.

Love, Mac :)