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Wednesday, January 28, 2015

why my husband shouldn't put me first


Being 25 and single I have thought on several occasions (weddings and such usually bring this out in me) about qualities that are non-negotiable- for me- in a spouse and things that can be compromised. Normal? I'm not sure but I do think most girls desire to be wanted, pursued, romanced, and loved forever by Jesus in regular imperfect guy form that basically resembles Adam Levine or Gerard Butler, Amen? (insert laughing hysterically emoji) But really.. so we can call it normal.  I can tell my hearts innocence has greatly matured as my unwritten list looks much different than it did even a few years ago. Which is both a blessing and a curse but that is a whole different story for a whole different blog. So lets move on..

I do not want my husband to put me first. In fact, I expect him NOT to. Ask me if I would have even considered thinking that 5 years ago and the answer would be a firm 'no.' Don't get me wrong, I would have definitely been prioritizing his faith vs. his 5 o'clock shadow. But now, I am seeing the whole picture in a completely different light.  I am more clearly distinguishing the worlds view of marriage from the Bibles truth about it.  Also, the definition of what is spiritually mature has greatly changed in my hearts dictionary. I desire for him to be so thirsty for God that he would not even think about putting anything above Him. Including me. He needs to know that I am human, I am flawed, I make mistakes and need forgiveness when I am wrong, and I can not satisfy deeply like our Savior and I need to be reminded of the same for him.  As that first non-negotiable quality becomes a reality, all the rest fall into place..

I want to marry a man so focused on God the only reason I stood out is because He saw every part of me hungry for Jesus and to him thats more attractive than any supermodel.
A man who knows God is the only firm foundation for a relationship and believes only a man following Jesus knows how to properly lead a woman.
A man who is faithful to me before we ever meet because he is faithful to The Lord.
A man who doesn't just open doors, he opens his bible.
I want a husband who pursues me relentlessly, loves me fearlessly, cares for me recklessly, prays for and with me passionately, leads me boldly, serves humbly, and cherishes deeply.
A man who respects, treasures, gently corrects but confidently challenges me.
Understands the root of the flaws made by my story and grieves with me.
Worships with me.
With strong hands, a steady head, and a soft heart who stands up when I cant but reminds me to lean on the Savior.
He will be patient with my guarded heart but consistent and intentional.
He will prove I can trust him with my dreams and confide in me.
He will stand beside me, walk with me, and support my passions.
He will take the time to know what drives me, irritates me, makes me laugh, and hurts my feelings.
He will protect me when I need it and even when I dont.
He will become my best friend.

My expectations and standards may be high but I will not settle. I know without a doubt this is what the Lord wants for me in a husband if marriage is what He has planned in my future. And I am confident he will be all of these things because He loves and pursues the Lord with all of his being.  I pray he expects nothing less than a Proverbs 31 woman out of me and I pray I am growing more into one every season.

In 2008, the year after I graduated high school, I started a journal for him. I never thought I would still be writing letters and prayers in it 7 years later but here I am.  It is so amazing to look back and see how The Lord has made such radical changes in me and how different I feel from that girl who just graduated high school.

I write in this journal with good intentions knowing that God is sovereign over all things and His ways are perfect. So whether my husband exists or not, whether or not I ever get married, whether or not anyone ever gets to read this journal, I am content in what The Lord has prepared for me.

If the day comes when a man is brave enough to tackle my stubborn heart and succeeds, I pray I am filled with enough wisdom to never put him above the One that sent him to me and that he would do the same.



A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Prov 31:10 ♥