Beauty from Ashes

I may not have had a smooth raising or have a typical life.. I may be full of flaws and imperfections- scars from growing up too early in an environment of little to no supervision, guidance, or example. A place of despair, rejection, abandonment, and having a picture seared into my memory of how little I was worth to people who were created to love me unconditionally and forever. We all have our baggage, we all have our story.. and mine has pushed me to become who I am today and defined how fiercly and passionately I pursue the Lord.  I am smart but I can't explain it, I am faithful and I can't comprehend it, I am older but I can't out grow it, I travel the world but I can't escape it, I am strong but I can't overcome it... WITHOUT the mighty miracles of my Deliverer. I do not tell you this for pity or for self righteousness, I tell you this because the same God that loves me through my brokeness and fault and fights for me is the same God that longs to be the personal Lover of your soul. And I tell you this because I have been there. Yes there, in the rock bottom hole of desperation where you think there is no hope. Let me tell you friends, there is Hope. So just like I held on for dear life to every truth He promised me in the pit of despair, I will hold tighter still. My walk is a daily choice and things are not always good.. But my God is. I continue to battle the enemy but I know who holds the key to victory.

Every aspect of my life has been used to break my hard headed and hard hearted self to the point of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion so that I would learn to rest my broken heart in the hands of the One who ever so carefully created it and soley rely on the One who will never disappoint, reject, hurt, or forsake us.  Sometimes I wonder if God didn't let me walk through the fire would I know He was my protector? If He didn't allow me to stumble through the valley would I know that He can carry me up the mountain? If He didn't place me in circumstaces where the absolute only constant was His commitment to love me would I understand His promises and how real they are? I don't have the answer to these questions but I do know that The Lord created in me a strong willed stubborn soul with a fire and fight that even a mother has trouble handling. So, although that will of steel and fiesty soul of mine have been my saving grace in situations I didn't ask to be in, it most likely and sadly would have prohibited me from learning the characteristics of my Almighty Father without being put in the middle of my own worst nightmare and having no where else to turn but to the One who is Able. As much as the pain from old wounds still haunts me and fresh ones are made more often than I feel necessary, I am thankful to be constantly reminded I am not in control and how I could never survive without my Redeemer. I am grateful to The Lord for revealing Himself to me in new ways every time I need it. I am in awe of His patience and how much He tells me I am worth. I have learned and grown leaps and bounds in my 24 years of life and know that journey continues until we reach our Heavenly destination but I will continue to keep my eye on a higher purpose and live loud for His name.

I am blessed beyond anything a wretch like me deserves. The Lord has provided me with a family who love and adore me even though I am not their own, circumstances that show me without a shadow of a doubt that there is a God who loves me unconditionally and is ALWAYS sufficient for any and every need I have, and grace beyond measure for the times my lack of feeling adequate enough takes me to the middle of decisons I should never be in. I stand amazed by the protection of His hand over me since birth. The unchanging Savior that held His healing hands around that tiny premature miracle is the same sovereign King who cares for every hair on my head and desire in my heart. Through all the chaos, dysfuction, and messiness I have endured- Jesus Christ has been the only constant, the only Truth. My rock, my motivator. I realize that I could have easily turned the other direction and been on a completely different path in the blink of an eye but the fight instilled in me and the grace of the good Lord above would not allow the easy way out. So yes, I have been there.. And I am still there sometimes.. in the pit that is. But  circumstances should not define my relationship with my Almighty Father, instead my realationship with Him should define my reaction to circumstances and I am learning how to live that.

So, here I am.. assuring myself daily of the worth I have in God's truth, battling the enemy with the sword- the Word of God. Despite the silent whispers in the actions of those close unintentionally planting lies in my ear of how little I matter and how little I deserve. I find my worth in the Father who carefully placed every freckle on my face. Some people have asked me after all that I have been through how in the world am I so grounded in my faith. My response is 'How can I NOT be?' After His sacrifice how can I not let Him use everything He made me to be to the fullness for His glory? After His faithfulness and protection how can I not be fully devoted to His plan for my life? How can I settle for anything less than what The Lord tells me I deserve no matter what my feelings say when He wants so much to shower me with blessings? After He has shown me His love has no limit how can I not with wreckless abandon tell everyone I meet how much He loves them? I really can not fathom any circumstance leading anywhere else but to the foot of the throne of the Author of life. Whether well fed or hungry, whether in plenty or in want, whether spoiled with every unnecessary gadget we can imagine before we even have a chance to desire it or being so deprived of lifes necessities that you can see deaths door- all of these  are made to point you to the need your soul has for a relationship with our Maker. That opportunity to grow in Him in the middle of trials or in the middle of joy is not an option- it is THE option. The straight and narrow sometimes gets just that- straight and narrow, with not a lot of traffic it seems.. and I am human so yes I get lonely.. But I am reminded of an old hymn that says "though none go with me I still will follow" and I know that complete surrender to my Savior is the only way I can live my life. When I'm lonely- I confide in Him, for He cares for me. When I'm sad, disappointed, or hurt- I cry out to Him, He holds me close and assures me of His promises. When I'm confused, lost, or scared- He takes my hand and leads me. When I mess up- He covers me with grace. I can not explain enough how ALL sufficient he is for any and every need and how no one can fill His place in your life.

Well, after pouring a piece of my heart out there I have to admit the transition home has been rough. It is hard to live with this perspective being surrounded by people without it. I received a priceless message from a ship friend that put the feelings in my heart into words without even knowing it because she was describing her struggle to fit in back home as well. Pieces of her message and pieces of my heart: Everything here felt so empty and pointless because they just seemed so insignificant compared to Africa. I couldn't really care if the other day somebody offended you in the pew next to you. (at least they had a pew to sit in) It all just felt ridiculous that this seems to be what ministry is about here. When over there it's life and death. Devastated people everywhere. I felt Him everywhere in Africa. But I just wasn't feeling Him here. BUT..I KNEW He was/is still here even if I couldn't feel Him. So I cried out to Him every night as I wept. I begged Him to not leave me here alone. To show me my purpose. To hold onto me TIGHT. He taught me that LOVE CONDESCENDS. What people here feel is SUPER important to them, so because these are the issues THEY face, I WILL care about them. Even though they may not be life or death, or hault-the-universe-important... They will be important to me. Because my broken heart, in it's pitiful state- is not life or death to the universe either. God knows that, yet He bottles every tear. His heart breaks with mine. WHY? It's not VITAL? It's just a silly girl with a broken heart! Because the God of the universe has chosen to CONDESCEND HIS LOVE. To me. Don't try to find it in yourself to care about the issues people at home care about... Find it in Him. Those honest words pierced my soul, it truly was like she saw into my heart and put it on a page. He IS here in Texas and he IS in Africa and the people all over the world- whether in plenty or in want NEED Him. They need Him just like I do to take the next breath some days and on others to give an extra portion of grace to a neighbor. It might be more of a struggle for me to live here in excess than it is for me to live with the basic needs for life, but the same God who moved mountains on the coast of a land far away in the same God who is standing beside me here and sees my every need. So the saying stands- When you can't see His hand, trust His heart.

As I enter my 25th year of life, my prayer is that I would experience my God in ways I never have. That I would be whole heartedly obedient and allow Him to use me in ways beyond my comprehension. That I would grow in my faith more that ever. That I would seek opportunity to invest in causes I'm passionate about and love on people that need it. And that I would never forget I'm a daughter to the Heavenly Father a Princess to the King of kings.

Lots of love and blessings-

MAC

"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters says the Lord Almighty." 2 Cor. 2:18

Fly with Jesus

Happy New Year! I feel that I am on the edge of a mountain with Jesus and I just want to fly with Him. And I want to give everyone the opportunity to experience Him in all His glory! Since I made the decision to stay my full service, My biggest prayer was asking that the Lord use me to the fullness of the potential and purpose He created me for- all for His glory, not to waste a moment of opportunity that has been entrusted to me, to have a heart wide open to the spirits guidance, and to embrace every drop of His majesty He created for me to enjoy. With complete control- The Lord has moved mountains! I have led bible study, went on outreaches to orphanages, spoken in church, prayed patients wounds healed- pain away- and teeth out, taught arts and crafts, shared scripture with them, loved until it hurt, and so much more!

The Lord has been so sweet to me. To show Himself to me in a way I didn't know possible. I have learned to see His beauty through new eyes. I can't help but smile as I feel the essence of His presence all around me when I hold His children close and shower them with prayer. And even on hard days, I rejoice in the promise of His nearness when anything familiar feels ages away. Things that have stood out to me lately all have the same theme word: confidence. I see confidence bursting in patients here as they realize they are worth more than gold to a Father who placed every hair on their head. I see confidence shining in the crew as they branch out to take mercy to a new level each day making it possible for more and more children to experience the love of Jesus. And I feel confidence growing inside myself as I stand firm on the foundation of my faith and take action as the opportunity arises to give the lost a chance to know how great is my God.


Two of my dear friends that arrived the same time I did left the ship last week as their service ended here. There is a special bond with the people you arrive with, it was a heartbreaking goodbye but I am forever changed by their beautiful hearts and they hold a very special place in mine. I am thankful the Lord divinely placed us here together. After they departed, that only left 2 of us that arrived together. An older man I call grandpa and myself. He is so stinking precious to me. We make it a point go out of our way to see each other at least once a day and he makes sure to take care of me. "Be careful and mind your manners" he will say when I leave the ship, or "here take this rain jacket just in case and you better put on sunscreen more than once!" This dear grandpa of mine is not a Christian and I want with my whole soul to give Him the Jesus that loves him so much! We have had several conversations but I am always careful to be sensitive to his feelings because I don't want him to write me off like the "ones who talk down to him" as he says. Just the other day he told me with tear-filled eyes, "McCall, we may not agree on some things but I truly respect your devotion to what you believe so strongly and I just think you are amazing, I am really going to miss you." We exchanged email addresses and even discussed his future travel plans when he may be passing through Texas. I am confident my Lord has graciously used me to plant seeds in my sweet grandpa's life and I am thrilled to continue this relationship.

A crew member arrived last week that I happen to be working with and he is not Christian. Our first conversation was a little awkward but I left it with confidence. It went a little something like this:

Man: "Hi, my name is ____, what is your name?"

Me: "Hi! I'm McCall, its like the last name but its my first name.. Nice to meet you!"

Man: "Nice to meet you to, where are you from?"

Me: "I'm from Texas, where are you from? Have you done missions before?"

Man: "Im from Norway.. umm.. (awkward pause).. no......"

Me: "OH HOW EXCITING! You are going to LOVE it! I am so glad you are here! What brings you here?"

Man: "I am here for humanitarian reasons, I am not religious."

Me: "oh, ok. (awkward smile)" (I was thinking- actually, God sent you here)

Man: "what brings you here?"

Me: (really big awkward smile) "welllllll... Jesus brought me here."

Man: (smiling respectfully) "yes, that is nice."

He is an intelligent kind man and we work very well together. He told me the other day that I was a very good nurse and he was impressed with my character, willingness, leadership, and compassion. I had the opportunity to inform him that those qualities come from a God much bigger than I. I had no idea he was observing my daily walk, my reaction in hard situations, and my interaction with patients. You really never know who you are ministering to so it is so important to be joyful and it is so important to be confident in your walk of faith.


I want to introduce you to Rovele. When he came here 3+ months ago, the shy teenager wore a scarf over his face to hide the place a flesh devouring disease that stole his confidence. He had not attended school since he has acquired this problem. He had been an outcast for who knows how long and when he walked up the gangway into this safe haven he had no joy. He would spend the next several months going through numerous surgeries, set backs from infection and skin grafts that were too stubborn to heal, and emotional turmoil. Nurses, doctors, surgeons, and countless caregivers spent hours upon hours investing in him. We didn't just treat his wounds, we treated his soul. We didn't just administer medication, we ministered with prayer. After dozens of connect four games, craft sessions, high fives, English lessons, and more love than can be explained, we have watched Rovele evolve from a frightened joyless boy into a confident joyful child of God. His smile beams from ear to ear, his laughter fills the room, and his jokes were played on every nurse at least once.. I've seen him dance, mentor new patients, and befriend the lonely. I see a sparkle in his eye that was far gone when he arrived here and that only God can create. Rovele left the ship last week, he is healed and it was time to return home. He was sad to leave and anxious about what may lie ahead of him. He wanted to keep his dressing that covered his face. So with a bittersweet goodbye, we prayed him up and he told us how thankful he was for what all the Lord has done. That day as Rovele walked down the gangway into the uknown, we were all there to send him off and with prayer, hugs, and love. He left without his dressing covering his face, that sparkle in his eye, and his head held high with confidence.  A piece of our heart left with him and I know he will carry it with him forever, and so will we.

I can not believe I will enter my final week aboard the Africa Mercy next week. Praying for a week filled with more mighty miracles, I am confident the Lord with provide. I will see you all soon, Texas :)

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in

you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Phil 1:6

This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 1 John 5:14


In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, And his children will have refuge. Prov 14:26

For the LORD will be your confidence And will keep your foot from being caught. Prov 3:26


Blessings from Africa and LOTS OF LOVE!

MAC

Joy to the WORLD

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Do I miss home? Yes, I miss home a list a mile long.. but if I had to choose one truth that has been evident to me the past month it is The Lord does not make mistakes, His timing is perfect. What a honor to be part of something this big! I am humbled by the lessons I am learning and the undeserved grace so freely given to me. "In his heart a man plans his course, but The Lord directs his steps." (Proverbs 16:9) Let me tell you, our God is in the healing business. I have witnessed His hand all over this ship and this country. I have seen the lame walk in our orthopedic ward. I have seen the blind see after decades of darkness. I have seen healing abundantly. But fixing their physical appearance is only a bonus when compared to the change in spirit and the hope they carry with them.

People come to us from all over. Some after days of travel from villages unheard of. Some from under bridges where they have lived in shame with what they are assured is a curse. Whatever each story holds, these people come.. they come to us in desperation and they find acceptance and hope in our Savior through the love we pour upon them. No, we can not create world peace or fix every broken situation across the globe. But when I whisper Jesus loves you in African language in the ear of a orphaned child I have to believe a seed is planted. Coming together we can do our part to change individual lives.. and the difference made in the life of one child is worth the battle. It takes us all to make this thing happen- from the surgeons to the engine workers, from the deck hands to the nurses and everyone in between.

  As much as we desire to take away all the pain, we can't fix everyone. I have seen healing, but I have seen heartache. How do you tell a parent you are unable to operate because the tumor is cancer? How do you explain a new baby is not going to make it? These are some of the questions we are faced with. Some of the situations we not only have to resolve but find a way to make sense through a cultural and language barrier. One thing is made sure of before any patient sets foot off of this ship no matter what the situation and that is they have an Almighty Father who loves them. They leave here with an everlasting eternal hope and they know they have brothers and sisters from all over the globe lifting them up to the One who created their soul. I can not wait to tell you the stories of my patients! To tell you of the growth and change we are blessed to be a part of where we are inscribed on their hearts forever.



This months theme is "Emmanuel, God with us." It has truly been a Christmas of celebration that we have a God who is by our side. Complete with traditions from different countries all over the world coming together to worship the King of every nation. This month has been full of worship, fellowship, love, laughter, and so much more. I have had a very Merry Christmas with my crew family and patients and even exchanged gifts with family at home :)  I hope Christmas was merry in bright in Texas and wherever you may be spending it! I may long to be home with my people but my heart is here. I am joyful in my journey and beyond excited to see what else the Lord has prepared here in Congo for the remainder of my service here. Keep the prayers coming! 


Blessings from AFRICA!


MAC

Always Enough

Your love is peace to the broken

Faith for the widow

Hope for the orphan

Strength for the weak

Your love is the anthem of nations

rings out to the ages

And You're Always Enough for me

-Casting Crowns

This song has been my motto the past few weeks. How true is it that His love is always enough. It is meant to be shared with those around us and let them know not only that it is enough but it is abundant, free, and always available. Surgeries are coming to a pause for Christmas and the patients in the ward are on the road to recovery and home to a completely different life. I was privileged to watch one of the legendary Dr. Gary Parker's surgeries the other day. He is a brilliant surgeon and a compassionate servant of the Lord's army. He has been on the ship for over 20 years bringing hope and healing to the souls of Africa. He spoke with me during the surgery about the patient he was operating on telling me their story and how excited they were to have the procedure. He knows his patients and their stories because he loves them like Jesus does. The mind-set and teamwork of all the crew may seem foreign to most of the world because it is exactly opposite of what we are trained to think like in the society we live in. It amazes me how well the community works together since we work with the same people we live with and do life with everyday. But on the other hand, I shouldn't be surprised because every heart is in one accord with the same goal.


To be quite honest I have had a really rough week which was a huge turning point for me. Just a little background about this field service here in Congo.. This is the first field service in history Mercy ships has had the opportunity to come to central Africa. So, while this is an amazing door opened to reach more hungry souls, it is a learning experience for everyone in so many different aspects. We are not seeing the usual number of patients since there is not a relationship built here with the people yet but we have to start somewhere. None the less, God is moving and He is bringing the right patients and whether we see 50 or 500, the difference made in 1 life matters. We all understand that this is the beginning of a new chapter for Mercy Ships and we are very excited to be here! That being said we are over staffed with nurses and there are times we are called off or do different jobs here on the ship. No one could have prepared for this, better to be over prepared than under I'd say. I am proud to say I have been a cashier, a barista at Starbucks, a stocker in the ship ship, and have checked inventory in the supply room to name a few. All of which will go on my resume (haha) and I am happy to help out in any way I am needed. Last week I found out that the wards are going to get quieter over the holidays since we are not doing surgery for the week of Christmas so with the 1 week "vacation" and another week working in the ship shop as a cashier, I felt a heavy burden of not being actually needed here. That led to questioning if I should be here or not during this time. Should I leave and come back when I am needed? So many thoughts consumed my mind that I had to talk with my supervisor. Last Friday I went to her office and asked her if there was anything else I could do or if it would be more beneficial for me to go home and come back when nurses are needed to give other nurses opportunity to love on the patients and do what they came here to do. We discussed the issue and decided that would be a good idea if I was ok with it. And I was. In my mind for days I had a list made of reasons: 1. My sweet brother comes home from Afghanistan this month 2. Christmas with family is important to me and I have never spent it away from them 3. We are very over staffed with nurses 4. I can always come back when I am needed. So it was settled all on that one day. I was taken off of the schedule and I contacted my travel agent to change my flight to December 15th, TODAY, (the only flight left before Christmas). That meant I only had 8 days left here. Everything was great! Or so I thought..


The next week was an absolute emotional roller coaster. I could not decipher the devil having a hay day with my feelings and The Lord's guidance. Again, my thoughts were chaos. Everything worked out to go home so if God didn't want me to I'm sure it wouldn't have.. and He can still stop me I'd love nothing more than a neon sign with the way He wants me to go.. Christmas is going to be great and surprising family is going to be so exciting.. I cant wait to see my brother.. All of those changed to- I am quitting, jumping ship, failing at the mission I set out to do.. What are the people watching my story going to think when I come back 7 weeks early?.. I read my letters from home and felt like a disappointment.. I had been already counting down the days so what if I am just homesick and made a life changing decision because I miss home.. I dont feel finished here.. I prayed so hard and sought godly wisdom. NOTHING was making me feel better for long enough to matter. I would have a little peace then anxiety and fear. All I desire is to be smack in he middle of where God wants me and I was so unsure of where that was. There was only one thing to do- I needed to talk to my Mama Dena. So, Thursday the 12th of December I called her and dramatically blubbered out the whole situation. She wisely advised me to ask for more time, my decision was made to quickly and I needed time. So I woke up this past Friday morning and went to what was my last shift in the hospital feeling exhausted from not sleeping all week and nervous. I spoke with my charge nurse telling her how I felt and that I was sorry to be so frustrating I just wanted so badly to do the right thing. She was not frustrated at all with me. I told her I would be fine with staying and helping another area out that needed help since there are too many nurses, I have dental experience from other mission trips when I assisted a dentist, my friend told me the dental team may be short. She told me that she would pray with me and then I should go have some quiet time and we could go from there because it was a Friday and I would need to figure out flights and etc if I decided and was able to stay. She prayed for me and as we walked out of the ICU back into the ward someone said "hey the dental team is looking for you." I ran out into the hallway and no one was there. The dental team works off ship and would be gone all day so I ran upstairs and out onto the gangway. There, walking up the steps back onto the ship was the lead dentist and my friend. He said "hey! I need an assistant until February! If you are interested you can have as much or as little of the time you want!" That instant I knew where I was supposed to be. All fear and anxiety left my heart and mind and all I could say is "YES!" I proceeded to do check with HR, email my travel agent, and thank God for answered prayers (not in that order).


Everything worked out for me to stay and I couldn't be more at peace. I am glad to have gone through the trial I did in order to change my perspective and give me a fresh appreciation and excitement for being here. I am reassured that God's will for my life is not to be carried out by anyone else but was designed specifically for me and I should live in the moment and stop trying to control every aspect of life. I am reminded that the season we are in is not going to last forever so we should embrace every opportunity and soak up every ray of warmth in each smile, hug, laughter, sunshine, and any blessing that is put in our path. I am THANKFUL for His sovereignty and guidance. I am grateful for His goodness. I am no longer counting down the days to come home I am forgetting time and plans and living in the moment and loving the people in it to the fullest. Until this turn of events, I look back and realize I was looking at things in the wrong perspective. I saw myself as a nurse to be used for the building up of the Lord's kingdom. Which is not wrong.. just misconstrued. I am not just a nurse. I am an original masterpiece with many talents and gifts (including nursing) to be used for the building up of His kingdom. I also only thought about what The Lord wanted to do through me to help others I never thought about what He wanted to do IN me. A wise friend told me "McCall, when you are unsure about which direction the Lord is leading you, go back to the last thing He said." That made a lot of sense to me. And the last thing I was completely sure about was Him leading me safely to the Africa Mercy. Today at church in the hospital I held my little sweet 6 month old patient who was raising her hands to the beat of drums and voices of praise and I worshipped our Savior and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I am right where I belong. So, with a new excitement and an eager heart to love life I will be starting my new job tomorrow! Thanks Dr. Lara for the experience. I know days may come when my spark may not be as bright but on those days I have my certificate hanging above my mirror that says "Thank you for 5 weeks of service". When I see that, I smile and think "nope, I'm not done yet" :)

I LOVE YOU ALL!

-MAC


"For you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."  Ps. 9:10